Unworthiness

by Gregory Allen Butler

The sense of unworthiness is a trap. It's a trap that engages the ego to "prove" that it is OK, that it is special.

It leads to self doubt. It is this sense that blocks the beauty of the soul from expressing itself in our daily lives. It is this sense that blocks spontaneity, creativity, and love. This is the doubt that stops us from traversing the spiritual path. The doubting voice says, "I'm deluding myself if I think I have the making of a spiritual aspirant."

The source of this sense of faulty perception is that we identify with the clouds that pass over the mind. Something happens that angers a man and he says "I am angry." This sense of identification covers up the infinite light of being. The anger was nothing but a passing cloud.

Something else might cause this same man to feel afraid and he says, "I am afraid." But that too is not who he is. It too was just a passing cloud. The true statement is "I am."

When we can have awareness of these passing clouds we don't forget who we are - a cloud after all is only a cloud. We don't lose focus of the love that our soul is radiating, of its bliss and infinity. No, we realize that sometimes a cloud of anger passes over, or sometimes fear, sometimes greed. But a cloud has no substance. It just drifts from place to place. A cloud in no means replaces the infinity of love that we eternally are.

Does a city become unworthy to live in just because a rain storm is passing through it? We are whole beings. The reason we think of ourselves as unworthy is because we have been trained or conditioned not to trust our inner sense of being. The truly inspired person, with a soul on fire, is seen as a heretic by a general public that has been conditioned to conform. The man or woman with the clearest vision of reality is time and time again seen as a heretic.

Look at Emerson, or Hafiz, or even Leonard da Vinci and you will see this. What is unique about these three (and many others) is that they didn't care what others thought. Their quest for truth was their only concern.

In most societies, the incentive to conform is immense. It is the only way to success. And what is success? To be held in high esteem.

But what does high esteem have to do with those who don't care what other people think. In India, there are some souls who are so overwhelmed with thoughts and feelings of God, that they become unaware of the world around them. To the causal observer, they would appear as if they were mad. But they are not mad.

They are intoxicated with the love of God. They are divine drunks. See the Wayfarers, by Dr. William Donkin for the most complete account of this type of soul ever published. (The Library of Congress said it was the most unique book they had ever seen) But what is so interesting about these intoxicated souls who could care less about the world, is that the people in their surrounding area recognize that they are spiritually advanced. They take care of them.

In the West, they would be locked up in a mental hospital. Such is the way of life where success is measured by contributions to the economy and not to spirit.

In the East, these souls are looked upon as contributors to the spiritual atmosphere. That is the difference. In the West they would be made to feel unworthy. In the East, they are revered. You will most likely find this type of wayfarer in India, Pakistan, and Sri Lanka.

Unworthiness as the Ego's Motivator

Unworthiness is a great motivator for the ego. It makes it want to prove that it is worthy. So much of what we do in life is to prove that we are worthy. But guess what? There is nothing to prove. Each one of us is existence-knowledge-bliss eternal. As John Lennon once sang, "We all shine on."

But it is this ego quest to prove worthiness that clouds our consciousness convincing us that we are unworthy. We get so caught up in the external world that we forget our inner world. We forget who we are.

It is when this sense of unworthiness drops away that the ego can finally stop grasping and clinging to the outer world. The path to knowledge of who we are progresses step by step with our ability to let unworthiness drop away. The more we discover our inner worth, the more the flames of the inner fire of longing are fanned.

The truth of the matter is that we are all part of the same infinity. How can anything be outside of that which is infinite? And if we are all part of that infinity, then we are all worthy.

When the ego isn't out to prove to the world its worthiness, then the inner life can blossom. By dropping unworthiness we allow a space to develop in the heart for love to grow. Instead of putting up appearances, we can simply exist, trusting in our inner knowing that we're part and parcel of the infinite oneness that pervades the universe. All this by dropping our identification with unworthiness. How could we be any more worthy than that?