Self-Esteem -- The Way to Transcend It

by Gregory Allen Butler

Self-esteem gets a lot of hoopla in self-help circles these days, and that's fine. There is no doubt that a person who has a high opinion of him or herself is happier than the person who doesn't. However, there is another dimension to being that reaches so far beyond the limits of one's self-perception that it makes opinions (self-opinion and other people's opinion) irrelevant.

This is the dimension of inner presence. It is so precious, so exquisite that any labels or comparisons are meaningless. It is a state of being that is beyond duality. It is a state of being that is untarnished by circumstance. I am referring to the state of being that is sustained by consciousness, that never diminishes, never fades, that is never lacking.

Self-esteem, though, as it pertains to inner joy and peace, is no more of a solution than western medicine's preoccupation with treating the symptoms of an illness. It doesn't get to the core of the issue. It doesn't mean anything. It's a temporary solution at best. A car with a big engine doesn't get you to your goal if you don't know where or what the goal is.

To make matters worse, self-esteem is a delusion of your true nature. It is nothing but a label of self, a mind-made image of self, created without knowing or experiencing what the self is. A criminal with great self-esteem doesn't see any need to change his ways. Nor does an alcoholic, a philanderer, or a dishonest politician. It serves as nothing but the fortification of the ego.

In fact, it is easier to let go of the limited self when the self-esteem is negative rather than when it is positive. For example, on an unbearably hot humid day it is a lot more of a temptation to strip off your clothes and jump into the ocean than on a mild pleasant day.

Writer and spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle shared how his self-esteem was so poor that he was able to let that limited sense of self die. He had no use for it once he discovered his connection to being. This is how he expressed it during a talk he gave in India in 2002. "I had an extremely painful relationship with myself. I couldn't live with myself anymore. And so, I somehow said, 'That's it! I can't live with it anymore, that's it!' But that was so total, that I no longer sustained, fueled the self through thought. I didn't know anything about it, it just happened. So the mind-made image dissolved. The self that I couldn't live with, that was so heavy, dissolved. And what was left was simply, 'I.' So the 'I' shifted, where as before when I said 'I', I was referring to my self, the unhappy 'dense-I,' the 'story-based-I.' That dissolved. Then the true 'I' emerged (had always been there). Presence…"

In Tolle's case, if he had a strong self-esteem, his spiritual transformation would possibly never have happened. He might have been content with a happy and successful life.

Self-esteem is a trap. So much of it is based on comparisons. For instance, if you are smarter than everyone else in the room, your self-esteem will feel good. But if you are obviously the least brightest in a room of scholars, you feel bad.

Self-esteem is constructed out of a mental image we have of our selves. It's mind-stuff. It's not an actual depiction of who we are. If one day you are healthy and strong and full of energy and this fact makes you feel good about yourself, what happens when the time comes when you are old and weak? You will suffer because of the mind-held image you hold of yourself is not holding water.

Self-esteem is mostly based on external situations. External situations are always changing. It's like building a house on shifting sand.

If you are looking for poise, what is needed is consciousness, a perception that sees beyond circumstance. This is attained not by self-esteem, but by going within, by being an observer of your thoughts, by mystical contemplation. Mysticism is an unveiling of consciousness. It is an inner perception of reality, getting beyond the noise of the mind. It is based on inner experience. It is a source of inner fulfillment, not based on external circumstance, but on inner awareness. It is a diving into the changeless, timeless, infinite reality of spirit.

What mind-image can we hold onto when we are no longer in this physical body? What is "self" comprised of when there is no house, no career, no stock portfolio, no physical body? When will we realize our essence as consciousness? Only then can we perceive clearly that we are not better than or worse than anybody. We just are. And that state of being is a state of bliss, a state that is beyond the mind with all of its comparisons and attachments.

What we do when we get caught up in self-esteem is that we take our consciousness, which when not identified with anything is infinite, and we tie it up with our physical self. We have effectively shrink-wrapped consciousness to the size of our bodies. What a delusion we have created. Instead of identifying with Presence (consciousness, soul) which is infinite and eternal, we identify with the physical body which is limited and temporal. That is an invitation to suffering.

I'm not intimating that our bodies and our physical lifetimes are not important. They are. But they are only vehicles of spirit. What you see when you look in the mirror is only a projection of consciousness. When you can go into your body and feel the energy that pervades it, you have an opportunity to discover formlessness. With that comes the realization that you are not the body, but that which created and sustains it.

You are no more your bones and flesh than you are the car that you drive. You are not that which is bound to decay into food for worms, as Robin William's character in Dead Poets Society put it.

When we can get our self to identify with that which is beyond form and time and gender and occupation, we are getting closer to the truth. Yes, we still have a boat-load of impressions that we have accumulated that shapes our identity, but that is all false and is fed and kept alive by our attachment to the past. When we can progress from "I am this" and "I am that" to just "I am," we will have taken a tremendous leap into the world of consciousness.

Consciousness is the self-sustaining reality not tied to comparisons. It doesn't matter if we are 25 and strong or 95 years old and confined to a wheelchair. When we connect with it the bliss we experience is not affected by outer circumstance. This is a result of identifying with the formless.

Each moment of our lives is an opportunity to go beyond form. We do it by delving deeper and deeper into the present moment. For it is time, past and future, that keeps us trapped in duality, in a world of good and bad, happiness and sadness, healthy and sick, successful and unsuccessful.

When we are not afraid of what is, or not repelled by what is, then we can approach the situation with full consciousness, with a perception undimmed by any external situationn. That is why so many spiritual masters treat their disciples so harshly.

The famous poet Rumi, before he had the good fortune to be accepted as a disciple of Shams-e-Tabriz, had a very positive self-esteem. He was considered a religious scholar. He was well respected. He had written many manuscripts on theology. The religious community thought he knew the truth. But that was all dispelled when he met Shams. When Shams told him to throw his manuscripts down a well, Rumi did so. When he was told to walk around town with a demijohn of wine on his head, he did that too (in a Moslem community where drinking wine was taboo).

These orders from Shams to Rumi were not given just to while away the time. They were given to replace Rumi's ego and sense of self-esteem with inner knowledge independent of what others thought.

Self-esteem is transitory and conditioned. It has no basis in eternity or reality. It is based on a false notion of who we are. It is a cause of separateness and fragmentation.

It is nothing but a game. And no doubt the mind loves a game. But it is a game that cannot bring any permanent satisfaction. It is no more lasting than the chants of fans yelling "We're number one, we're number one" as their team wins a championship. The following year it is another group of fans.

A time comes for us all, eventually, when our soul cries out for something lasting; for the experience of who we really are.

"It is the Light of lights, beyond the reach of darkness; the Wisdom, the only thing that is worth knowing or that wisdom can teach; the Presence in the hearts of all."
The Bhagavad Gita