Self-Esteem

by Gregory Allen Butler

Self-esteem, as it is traditionally considered, suffers from a fallacy. In that approach, we emphasize the external situations, such as career, status, money, how others view us, what type of house we live in, what type of car we drive, and what type of education we have. And if these areas are lacking, the approach seems to focus on potential.

What can we accomplish in the future? This is often practiced with affirmations that give encouragement to the low achiever. Been there, done all of that. How about you?

Where is the self in that equation? Our minds try to convince us that we are those things, but these things are nothing but score cards to measure how we do in comparison with others in a game we call life, but which more often than not, misses the essence of life altogether.

This essence I am referring to is that inner source of being. It is the formless inner place where peace, love and creativity dwell. To be aware of it is to be aware of Presence. It is a place of freedom, because it is there that we are not slaves to the demands of the ego, which always wants more. It is the ego that keeps score.

It keeps score in an attempt to be separate. It doesn’t matter what the game is. Sometimes it keeps score to show that it is the most sick, or the most miserable, or the most loving, or even the most spiritual. This sense of self, that the ego tries to assert, is not based on anything but delusion. It fosters obsessions, suffering, neurosis and exhaustion.

Self-Esteem Based on Source of Being

If you want self-esteem to serve you no matter what the outer conditions of your life our, then you have one choice: build it upon your source of being. If your outside world crumbles, then you will not crumble with it. Your inner source of being is independent of external conditions. It will never wear out. It will last beyond your lifetime. It will sustain you in any life situation.

This type of self-esteem is really a type of self-knowledge. It is based on what you are, not what you or others think you are. It is not an attribute you or someone gives you; it is a conviction based on inner experience. This type of inner knowing serves you as a foundation. Your typical self-esteem cannot give you this.

It is not dependent on that which is changing. You don’t have to stay youthful, beautiful, wealthy and popular. You don’t have to have the best car, the biggest house, or the most prestigious job. You don’t have to have to be a genius, or good looking, or funny. You just have to go beyond your mind to find that place within.

Our true identity is not at the mercy of external factors. We are more than a stock that goes up and down. We are more than public relations and economic forecasts. We are not the sailboat that can capsize in a storm. We are the Ocean itself.

I know this is not an easy concept to grasp. Our minds are so conditioned by our society that to be happy you have to drink a certain kind of beer, smoke a certain brand of cigarettes, drive the most expensive car, and wear the most expensive clothes. Every message on every commercial tells us that we don’t have enough to be happy.

Over and over we are bombarded with messages promising us fulfillment if only we buy what they have to sell. It’s easy to fall victim to the self-conception of insufficiency if we can’t afford what is being sold.

Inner Truth

So how do we do this? How do we discover our own inner truth?

It takes a genuine commitment to make this kind of change to your inner life. You are not going to discover it by being focused on what you did yesterday. Past failures and success are of no use to you in this. Projecting what you are going to do in the future is also of no help to you. You can never connect to your inner self unless you are present—here and now.

I recommend you read Eckhart Tolle’s book, A New Earth. It is informative, uplifting, and it is written in an easy to read format. I have never read a book that was as comprehensive in how to get beyond the mind.

If you are wondering why I keep stressing the importance of getting beyond the mind, it’s because that is the realm of inner experience. We do not get there by thinking. We get there by creating a space of quietude.

The mind is always creating noise with its incessant compulsive thoughts. We are a slave of the mind and its demands unless we can control it. The mind makes distinctions of separateness while our inner being gives us the experience of unity and oneness.

Our inner being is the source of peace, creativity, joy, expansiveness, love, harmony, oneness, knowledge, power, and bliss. These are experiences. They are not thoughts.

The mind is always jumping from one life situation or crisis to another, from the past to the future. The mind thrives on the past and the future. The mind wants to be in control. Only in the present moment can you get free from the mind and have the opportunity to plunge into your source of being.

Holistic self-esteem is as simple as realizing who you are. If you are grounded in your source of being and you experience peace, tranquility, and happiness, then you will be living each moment fully, in the present, and that will undo any past conditioning or unconscious programming that you might have. It is a true perception of your life, of your essence.

It is our past that confines us to self-imposed limitations. Experiences that are humiliating, shaming, embarrassing or emotionally painful are imprinted onto our minds in much the same way that music is recorded onto a compact disc. And like a CD, it plays itself over and over again. And this can and does go on for the entire lifetime of an individual. It imprisons us.

How can anyone undo that which is ingrained so deeply that it defines us? How can a defective piece of software programming repair a software problem? It can’t. That is why we need to get beyond our minds. We do that by transcending the past, We do that by not living in the future with our worries and expectations.

We have to enter into the present moment. We have to experience it fully. That means to be alive and aware. It means to connect to our inner source. It means to acquire our energy from our inner experience. It means to live.

To a person who lives a life nourished by his or her inner connectedness, there is no need to make an impression on someone. There are no issues of self-esteem. Such a person is living in such a way that his or her very presence has a positive effect on everyone that he or she comes in contact with. It is something that can’t be denied. It is a truth self-evident.

If you are grounded in your source of being, your self-esteem is replaced by self-knowledge. It wouldn’t matter if 50 people called you lazy, stupid, or insane. It wouldn’t change your reality. As Popeye always says, “I am what I am.”