Self-Confidence -- Knowing the Self

by Gregory Allen Butler

I have been on both sides of the continuum on self-confidence. I remember being so nervous speaking in front of one of my college classes that the teacher forced me to enroll in speech therapy. But a few years later I was regularly winning speech contests in Toastmasters in the Los Angeles area. I even gave a lecture at the First Metaphysical Congress at the Santa Ana Convention Center.

I remember being a teenager and being too nervous to call a girl and ask her out on a date. But a few years later, I remember calling Dan Rather of CBS News at home on an early Sunday morning (waking him out of bed) because I thought he could help my career. I was still in college. Where did my shyness go?

Six years later, when I was working at the Los Angeles Times Syndicate, and I wanted to do an interview with him, my assistant left a message with his secretary. He told me what he told his secretary upon receiving the message: "Greg Butler--I know that man. I'm going to call him."

Do you want to know what caused the difference in my self-confidence in these examples? Do you want to know how to build self-confidence? It has to do with self-identity, or how we perceive our personal-self.

For me, it was getting beyond my mind, realizing that it was nothing but a storehouse of worries. To know the Self, beyond the mind, is to have confidence in the Self.

In any call to action, one of two things happen that determine the confidence that you take with you. Either you connect to your limited self through your mind and all of its limiting beliefs, or you connect to your infinite source of being and its capacity to go beyond self-imposed limits.

To make the leap from self-anxiety that comes from identifying with the mind, to the state of total self-confidence that comes from our source of being may take self hypnosis. Self hypnotism is a way of building confidence by impressing upon our minds that we have infinite capacities, that we are not the limited self we have identified with for so long.

It's a form of self-training, learning how to consciously choose between the real and the false, between the infinite and the finite, between having a notion of ourselves that is a ship crossing the oceans of the world or one that stays tied up in the harbor.

The mind, unfortunately, can take you from an inspired state of being to a limited and fearful state of inability. The key to staying out of the mind’s control is to stay connected to the present moment and all of its infinite possibilities. That is the breeding ground of genius. and a self-confidence that never fades.

To gain access to the infinite resources within, living in the present moment is vital. That is where life unfolds in all of its richness and splendor. It the difference in living a purposeful life or drifting along at the whim of life's current; it the difference in a sail boat having its sail up or down.

I remember my college days and taking a sociology class. One of the topics we discussed was social norms, and what was acceptable behavior and what wasn’t and what happened if you violated one of those norms. Homework was finding out first hand what would happen when we went outside the social norm. Would I become a hero or a heretic?

I remember going out do dinner with a friend I was doing a writing project with and sharing what my homework was. We noticed that in this restaurant there was a grand piano. It was obvious that this was a very formal restaurant and the piano was reserved for the official restaurant pianist.

I asked my friend if it would be all right if I went over and sat down at the piano and started playing, just to see what would happen. My friend was as interested in the outcome of this experiment as I was so I did it.

Now I was no piano player. I had never played in public and had just a little more than a year’s worth of lessons. But in the spirit of curiosity and not being in the mode of what would people thought I had the confidence to sit down and play. No worries, no fears, just curiosity.

And the outcome wasn’t too bad. We weren’t thrown out. Nobody laughed at me. Nobody called me names and nobody booed me. The only thing that happened is that the owner of the restaurant came up to me and quietly asked me to stop playing. I respectfully complied. Homework over.

The point I am trying to make with this example isn’t about sociology. It’s still about self-confidence. It is very much tied to what people will think if you fail or make a fool of yourself.

I know from that example and others, that when I don’t care what people think, I can do anything I set out to do. But I also know that in the early part of my life that that is exactly what held me back. Giving up power to the thoughts of others is never a solution.

There is a line in the Beatles’ song, Hey Jude, that encouraged me from time to time when I felt shy or inadequate to step up to the plate: “For well you know that it’s the fool who plays it cool by making his world a little colder.”

We need to be open to the unfoldment of life. After all, what are we doing in life, in these physical bodies, if we are not open to experiencing life fully? Don't worry about appearing foolish occasionally. Show me a man who has never looked foolish and I'll show you a man who has never done anything.

This fear is a restriction of life. It’s being too identified with the mind. I find that when I take life lightly that I don’t worry as much. And if there is no worry, then there is no issue about lack of confidence. Worry is the culprit. It cannot ever do anyone any good. It dissipates our energy and robs us of the fullness of life.

I had an experience in life that took me a long way toward eliminating worry from my life--I almost died. The physical suffering that led up to that was so painful that I realized that whatever else happened to me in life could not be as bad as what I had just gone through.

There was nothing left to worry about. I had been there and done that. That was such an energy saver that suddenly I had energy in abundance. I became so enthusiastic about life’s possibilities that I found it hard to sleep. Limitations of the past no longer existed. For me, it was a rewriting of life.

Enthusiasm breeds self-confidence. Worry depletes it and that occurs in direct proportion to the extent that we live in the past and the future. Living in the present moment gives the fullness of life’s essence, and in that we can find the inspiration to transcend the limits and fears of the past. It also gives the inspiration needed to transcend fear of success.

Enjoy the experience of discovering all that you are capable of achieving. Nobody is going to mind if you fail sometimes.

Life can be fun if we don’t worry about it. Enjoy!